Postpartum talk: losing yourself after becoming a mother

Circa 2012 – one of the few photos I have from my first weeks of motherhood.

When I was at the last few week of pregnancy with my second child, I knew I had to prepare for what’s to come.

With my first little, I was an emotional mess. I disliked everything about myself. My new body didn’t fit into any of my old clothes. The pigmentation change in my underarms (ugh). Most of all how my hair seemed to fall out in clumps with the slightest touch.

I remember vividly walking into the mall and crying because I couldn’t find anything that fit well. I felt lost and just didn’t know who I was anymore.

I truly felt defeated. So, I spent the remaining days of my maternity leave hidden away from the world. I focused solely on the needs of my newborn and sorta lost who I was. Looking back I wasn’t much of a wife or a friend either.

It took me awhile to find myself again. I eventually learned that although this little boy is the biggest part of my life, I couldn’t be the best mom without taking care of myself.

When it came to my second pregnancy, I knew I couldn’t just put up the white flag and retreat to my room. Not only did I not want to be that person again, but I had a 3-year-old who needed mama.

So I made sure I had an action plan when I was getting to hard on myself. Here are a few things I did differently the second time around.

ACCEPT AND CELEBRATE
Let’s just put it out there, your body is going to be different after pregnancy. A little mushy in some places and even wider in others. Some parts will bounce back right away and others will forever be changed.

But you know what? YOU created life. YOU brought a gift of love and hope into the world. That is truly something to celebrate.

Not to mention, you birthed a watermelon. So cut yourself some slack and embrace the new baby smell because they’re only this young once.

TAKE A BREAK
When you’re a new mom you’re up at all hours of the night, evening, morning – pretty much up period. It’s okay to take a break. I for one was super protective with my first. It was hard for me NOT to be the one holding him ALL. THE. TIME. With my second I practically gave him away.

Not really, but I did take some time for myself. Sometimes it would be a quick 10 minute journal session while both boys slept. Sometimes it would be a an uninterrupted, long, hot shower when my husband was home from work. I allowed myself to take a break from all the babies needs and focus on … well nothing. It truly helps clear your head.

DO SOMETHING TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE
I knew how I felt about myself the first time around so I also knew I wanted to do something to make me feel confident when I’m in front of people.

It may sound silly, but my thing was eyelash extensions! I wanted to do them for so long. I felt this was the perfect opportunity. Let me tell you, I felt like a million bucks. My body may have still been trying to figure itself out, but my lashes were banging. Haha

Finding something that makes you feel 100 times better can be as easy as giving yourself a manicure with a fun color or buying a bold red lipstick. When have you ever met a women with a gorgeous red lip that you didn’t find confident?!

LEAN ON YOUR SPOUSE
In the months after having our first little, my husband and I fell out of touch. We didn’t spend time together without the baby, talk much about things outside of our little and we definitely didn’t go on any dates.

I learned it’s important to not lose touch with your spouse. He’s going through a lot too and it’s actually the perfect time to connect.

Here’s what we did different. We had a 10 minutes strictly us, adult talk. We would ask each other about the others day. Find out how were feeling. We really spent this time focusing on each other. We didn’t judge or compete on who had a more hectic day. We truly listened. We still do this till this day.

IT WILL ALL BE OKAY
In the end, know it will all be okay. Enjoy this season in your life. The bad, the good and the plain ugly. One day it will only be a memory. You’ll soon be writing out a blog or telling your BFF who is expecting about your dark time and how you overcame it. You are perfect. You are amazing. You will be just fine mama.